This movie should be called ‘Stupider Ascending’. Seriously.
It’s a film so fantastical and cluttered with nonsense that even as a reviewer whose job it is to watch movies, I could hardly follow what was going on. With a running time of over two hours you’d be led to believe that’s more than enough time to setup a universe, its characters, its complication and, ultimately, its resolution.
You’d think.
The problem is, Jupiter Ascending literally setups a whole universe and rushes through so many events on so many foreign planets and galaxies that ‘one small step’ feels like “Slow down, please!”
Firstly the movie opens with our hero, Jupiter, (Mila Kunis) narrating the events that led to where she is now. Jupiter started as an immigrant in the USA working as the world’s most attractive toilet cleaner, with bad pay, bad hours and, eventually, a plea to the universe for help as she proclaims “I hate my life!”
Jump to the next scene and all of a sudden she’s on the run from some intergalactic baddies lusting for her ‘royal’ blood. Thankfully, she is conveniently saved by Caine Wise (not for the last time in this flick). Caine is a hybrid-human-slash-animal-tracking-warrior who saves her and takes her on the run. Given this guy is played by Channing Tatum, Jupiter obviously falls in love with him and, predictably due to his rough exterior, he can’t love her back.
One leading trope the film is the ‘farm’ comparison – the idea that Earth is just one of multiple colonies that are purpose-built to be harvested when the time is right. This is one of the more impressive ideas gifted by the Wachowski siblings, who, despite never even remotely coming to close to capturing the magic of their first hit The Matrix, do continue to offer interesting stories with fascinating settings. The interplanetary travel gives an opportunity to show off vast, thriving planets with bustling cities… and a chance for the art department to flex their muscles. In Jupiter Ascending, by far the best feature of the feature is the costume, hair and set design.
The movie leaves more questions than it answers. It would have sounded cool in the pitch, but on delivery fails to excite. The supporting cast is bland (which hurts to say of people like Eddie Redmayne and Sean Bean) who have plot lines that are fuzzy at best. It feels as though they are only in the movie to fit the formula.
I have no doubt this was a four hour movie that has been cut down to what see see in the cinema (as was the case for the Wachowski’s last movie Cloud Atlas) and maybe if I saw it the full movie would make more sense. I might care more about the characters and, most importantly, I might be invested in seeing what happens.
Unfortunately, the end product give you is some satisfying visuals, some satisfying casting and, finally, an unpleasant aftertaste when the credits roll and you know you certainly don’t want anymore, but you feel like you needed it to understand what was going on.
It’s a movie that took up too much of my time and, when the Wachowski’s came out and publicly stated they don’t think Hollywood will invest a big budget in their movies again, I think they know Jupiter Ascending is why.
