Let’s face it, Christmas is a crazy time of year. While you’re out partying, enjoying the warm weather and catching up with friends you haven’t seen all year (or since last weekend), make sure you don’t take it too far.
From the Mawson Club to the Kingo, Canberra loves a bulk gathering just before the Christmas festivities kick into gear. And bulk people means bulk embarrassment if you decide to take it a little too far with your bowl of loud mouth soup.
In light of this, no-one wants to wake up ‘the morning after’ wondering what happened, only to find out how wonderfully disgraceful their behaviour actually was. We’ve had a chat with our good friends at TTM security – who look after some of Canberra’s busiest bars and nightclubs – to learn of their horror and comedy stories from Canberra’s elite drinking douchebags.
From our chat we’ve come to the conclusion that there are 10 types of guys that you do not want to be when you’re out and about. Take this as your warning and stay safe this holiday season.
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Guy 1: The Dribbler
When you’re too drunk to string a sentence together… It’s time to go home. No one likes a guy with smelly breath, mumbling gibberish in their face when they’re trying to have a drink with their mates. The bouncer is sure to kick you out and the case you are trying to make to stay in the club is not going to be anywhere near as convincing as you think it is while you’re ‘this guy’ .
Guy 2: The Hero
There is always that one guy who thinks he can take on the world, including the bouncer or some other guy in the pub. It only ever ends in someone getting hurt or humiliating everyone he or she is with. So, take the safer route and say no to that inner animalistic urge to take on the largest guy in the club… especially if he is the bouncer.
Guy 3: The Sleaze
If the girl asks you to go away or looks like she’d rather fall down a flight of stairs than be any where near you, then you’re ‘The Sleaze’ (read: Creep). Don’t linger around women who clearly don’t want you near them, perseverance will not serve you well and will hurt your chances with every other girl in the club.
Guy 4: The Judge
No one likes someone who judges other people. And for some a swig of alcohol can bring out this horrible side. Everyone is there to have a good time, so don’t stand there talking about other peoples appearances, choice of outfit or date. You’re there to have fun, just like everyone else.
Guy 5: ‘Old mate’
There’s always that one guy who thinks he’s everyone’s best mate. Look mate… it’s annoying; we don’t know who you are, so go away! It’s great to be a happy drunk but that’s no reason to star in everyone else’s selfies and make a fool of yourself around a bunch of strangers.
Guy 6: The Toolie
Everyone points out the only middle-aged guy in the club thinking “why the hell would you want to be a clubber when you’re 40-odd?” You’re too old to be here, and when you have too much to drink and harass the poor unassuming 18-year-old girls in the club, it’s really creepy and you are sure to be picked out by your friendly mate; the bouncer. Also see Guy 3 for reference.
Guy 7: The un-Cool dude
With a drop of alcohol, egos are boosted… unfortunately too much for some. When you’re too cool to be there, too cool for dancing and too cool for friends you can start to par-take in some risky behaviour. Don’t be too cool this summer, have fun and stay grounded! A man with a strong handshake and a smile will always beat bulging biceps and a mean grin.
Guy 8: The Spewer
There’s always one guy… or girl who can’t control their liquor. This leads to spewing, projectile vomiting on your friends, in the taxi, on the bouncer… it’s not great and can lead to fines, less friends, a gross taste in your mouth and a bouncer who won’t forget you in a hurry.
Guy 9: The YOLO Man
Unfortunately, a good night has to end at some point… Let’s get real here buddy, when the clubs are shut and it’s 5am we aren’t kicking on to some weird party, especially if it’s in an alley way around the corner from the club. There’s always that guy who wants to kick on “YOLO” style but honestly it’s better to be safe and know when to call it quits while you still have some dignity.
Guy 10: The Wing-Man
Just like Barney Stinson your ‘Wing-Man’ is always there for you, but as soon as they have had too much to drink, the beer-goggles come out and the women start getting annoyed as you begin to look less wing-man and more sleazy, clingy, annoying and should probably go home before the bouncers spot you.
